I’ve returned to the world of Hyrule this week, and my perspective on Link has changed. I don’t know if I can go back to the way things were before.
Until now, I’ve viewed the Hylian hero as an underdog. He begins each game with a measly three hearts to his name, and spends dozens of hours slowly working his way up the food chain. This is especially true in the twoSwitchZeldas, where low-level enemies hit hard and Link is scrawny and naked. At first, anyone he meets can kill him, so overcoming the game’s early challenges requires stealth, strategy, and ingenuity.
But, having rolled credits onTears of the Kingdomearlier this year and gone back to explore the nooks and crannies I missed the first time at full power, the scales have fallen from my eyes. Is Link a bully? He kind of seems like a bully.
Well, not just Link. At the end of most Zelda games, it’s just Link on his own. He might have a sidekick like Navi or Ezlo, but in battles, he can only rely on himself. But, at that same point in Tears of the Kingdom, Link has assembled a powerful posse that goes everywhere with him. Completing all of the temples has gained me five spectral cronies who follow me everywhere I go. If Link gets in a fight with a bokoblin, it’s no longer a mono y mono throwdown between man and monster. It’s Link, four blue ghosts, and a mech all teaming up to whoop one measly pig man’s bum.
I feel like a bully from a children’s movie, harassing the main character while flanked by my goons. But, instead of taking lunch money, I’m taking lives! And if we count the loot monsters drop as currency, I’m basically getting lunch money too.
Though there are undoubtedly still creatures out there that would pose a challenge — your Gleeoks, your silver Lynels — most of the monsters I meet are getting steamrolled by Link and his amazing friends. Link has become a homicidal Flash Thompson with cronies on each arm, looking for nerds to slam into lockers.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Andrew, you don’t actually have to have the Sages with you all the time! Link doesn’t have to be a bully! Just unequip the Sages unless you need them!” But, see, that’s the thing. WhileBreath of the Wildwas a lonely game where Link spent most of his time climbing around on his own, Tears of the Kingdom gave him friends to hang out with. I can’t make Link go back to being a loner. Not now that he’s experienced the joys of being friends with a big robot who gives him piggyback rides.
No, I only have one choice. I will bully Hyrule into submission. I will use my Ultrahand ability to build the biggest toilet the world has ever seen and give every one of Ganon’s servants a swirlie.
NEXT:Is It Too Late To Get Into Tears Of The Kingdom?
