Mario is all things to all people. Over the years, he’s transformed into a frog, an ace tennis player, a flying raccoon, a climbing cat, and a roaring T-Rex. InSuper Mario Bros. Wonderalone, the world’s most popular plumber has a dizzying list of new forms. He can turn into a human drill, a plump elephant, a slender silhouette, and a bubble-throwing man. But, there’s one Mario transformation introduced in Wonder that I can’t quite get over: the Wubba.
Wubbas are gelatinous enemies in Super Mario Bros. Wonder that appear to be entirely made of green Jell-O molded into a spherical shape. They have the same kind of cartoon eyes as Sonic, where the left and right aren’t separated from each other and instead form a lopsided figure eight, like the eyes are cells stuck in the anaphase of mitosis. While Wubbas appear to be made of gelatin, they also traverse gelatin, wiggling through the large wiggly cubes that Mario needs to squeeze through in levels like An Uncharted Area: Wubba Ruins. They can emerge from the ground or ceiling — stalactite or stalagmite style — emerging as little squirts of green gummies before taking form as Kirby-sized varmints that Mario needs to stomp.
These creatures are introduced as enemies long before Mario gets to turn into one. But, in a few later levels, if Mario finds a level’s Wonder Flower, he can activate an effect that sees the mustached man of mystery turning into a tomato-flavored variation of the traditional Wubba. His hat is still in place, as is his nose and ‘stache, but he can now slide along walls like a delicious slug.
It also lets Mario fit through cramped tunnels, and this is where I started thinking about how good it must feel to be an orb of Mario Jell-O. As the scarlet sphere enters a cramped space, his body squishes in, compressing him down to about two-thirds the size of his normal Bob the Tomato form. If you like the pressure of a weighted blanket, imagine how good it would feel to have two immovable walls weighing down on you. You might think that this would be claustrophobic, but if you can’t feel pain — and I contend that gelatin cannot feel pain — and you can be compressed to a fraction of your size, I believe the impulse toward claustrophobia would evaporate.
As Mario moves along, he jiggles a bunch, which would likely feel like a nice massage. Hell, an earthquake would probably feel great if you’ve had all your bones, muscles, and internal organs removed through the magic of the Wonder Flower. I also imagine that being Wubba Mario would be quite cool. Not quite cool like rad, quite cool like how Gandalf means it when he plucks the Ring from the fire, hands it to Frodo, and tells him, “It’s quite cool.” Jell-O isn’t warm blooded, which means you would only get hot when you’re in a location that is hot. The sun isn’t oppressively bearing down on any of the Wubba levels I’ve played, and none of them have had any magma flowing by.
So, I surmise that Wubba Mario would feel nice and refreshed. You might even say that he wouldbenice and refreshing. He is unbothered. Moisturized. In his lane. Focused. Flourishing. Jell-O.
NEXT:The Super Mario Maker We Get After Wonder Is Gonna Be Wild
