Hey everyone. Life’s been a lot lately. My Dad got a triple bypass, and the hospital became my second home this past month. Fortunately, Dad returned in time for the holidays. But he still has plenty of recovery ahead of him, and I can tell I’ll need a vacation by the end of it.
So where do I want to spend my me-cation this year? I could always book an AirBnB. Maybe I could lounge in a tropical paradise. Or perhaps a fast-paced city weekend will get me energized. I’m still looking, but I bet these video game characters run some swell vacation rentals.
Tom Nook
Tom Nook is a real estate magnate who providesnon-interest loans to his residents. You know, like if Donald Trump had any moral decency to his name. I trust he would offer a lovely island vacation home with regular maintenance and 24/7 guest support. (And he actually pays his staff! What a concept.)
Honestly, if I were one of theAnimal Crossingresidents, I’d always rent my home out. Imagine how much money you could make! Unfortunately, I feel Mr. Nook and his team of lawyers (you know he has them) make his residents sign iron-clad contracts forbidding the practice. After all, there can only be one multi-millionaire forest animal, at least if Nook has anything to say about it.
Ryu
Seriously! Genbu Temple looks like it came straight out of Enter The Dragon. Just look at thepicturesque Torii archways, thegentle-flowing streams, and theelegant cherry blossoms. And this getaway isn’t exclusively for Bruce Lee fans. The locale would make for a calming spa weekend.
Sounds like we found the hotspot for Bachelorette weekend, girlies!
Michael De Santa
Michael De Santa does well for himself, as you can tell from his seaside therapy sessions, luxury cars, andLA-style mansion. Which I suppose means crime does pay as long as you’re willing to sell out your bank-robbing partner and fake your death. That’s too many extra steps for my taste, but you do you, Michael!
If you’ve playedGTA 5, you know Michael returns to his criminal career. But every criminal enterprise needs a front or at least a side hustle. After all, the Madrazo family won’t wait forever for that $2.5 mil. So, why not take that vacation home (Come on. You know he has one.) and start renting it out?
Mr. De Santa better be careful, though. Leaving evidence behind in your Airbnb can lead to nasty guest reviews…and maybe a ten to fifteen-year sentence.
Bowser
OK, so he’s evil. Sure, he’s kidnapped the same woman dozens of times. Yes, I know, he’s the reason you lost your Mario Party star. And yes, I get it. Your dodgy uncle alwayschooses him as his main in Mario Kart. There are plenty of reasons to despiseBowser.
But don’t tell me you wouldn’t put your grievances aside to vacation in a freaking castle! All Bowser needs to get his rental property up and running is some central A/C (see: surrounding volcanic wasteland). And if a literal king can’t afford some decent air conditioning, that is an issue.
Kirumi Tojo And Teruteru Hanamura
There they are! Those two! You know who they are… just kidding! This is one of my niche weeb picks.DEAL WITH IT!
How do I summarize theDanganronpaseries for you? There are all these uber-talentedhigh school kids, and an evil teddy bear-robot holds them hostage, forcing them to kill each other. There are fascist takeovers, mass murders, apocalyptic storylines, and we’re not sure if the last game even happened - but none of that’s essential.
She’s Kirumi Tojo, the Ultimate Maid. He’s Teruteru Hanamura, the Ultimate Chef. All they need is some seed money from Byakuya Togami, the Ultimate Affluent Prodigy, and their hospitality business is on its way.
FYI: Byakuya Togami is this Macaulay Culkin-looking mofo.
By the way, the Ultimate Maid character is also the Prime Minister of Japan…yeah. Just don’t ask.
Bayonetta
As a native New Yorker, I can’t give Los Ange - I mean, Los Santos all the attention. We need some East Coast representation. Luckily, I went on adeep Reddit diveand learned thatBayonettalives in a Manhattan apartment with fellow Umbran witch Jeanne. Take THAT, West Coast!
There are some technicalities Bayo will have to work around - like hiding her shady sub-leasing from her landlord and super. But with so many recent theatre school grads coming in, she’ll have an easy time finding renters.
And when all is said and done, why would you pay rent for an apartment you’re not even living in while you globe-trot the world and crossover dimensions hunting angels? That’s money down the Alfheim Portal.
