Summary
Webster’s dictionary defines acatchphraseas “a word or expression that is used repeatedly and conveniently to represent or characterize a person, group, idea, or point of view.” Well…yeah, duh. Of course, you know what a catchphrase is. But I have an intro to write and nothing makes good essay filler like a dictionary excerpt.
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When I pitched this list, all I could think about was the funny ideas I had to subvert classic game characters with irreverent catchphrases. Now, I’m sitting in front of my laptop with the blankest stare because it turns out that writing catchphrases is hard work. Still, like the numerous silent protagonists on this list, I press on. Because, deep down, I know these iconic characters deserve a repeatable quote we can remember them by.
Link - The Legend of Zelda
Have you noticed that Mario has multiple catchphrases (“It’s a me, Mario!”, “Wowee-Zowee!”, “Let’s-a-go!"), and the rest of Nintendo’s characters have close to none? Was that intentional? I wonder if Miyamoto-san played Mario Teaches Typing and thought to himself, “One chatty protagonist is more than enough.” I’m not a Nintendo historian, so I have no clue.
Speaking of my ignorance of all things Nintendo, I’ve never played aLegend Of Zeldagame. IboughtTears Of The Kingdom but never played it. (Go off, Facebook comments section, and have a field day.) But I do know that Link never speaks, except in theunfortunate Panasonic CD-i games. So, if I gave Link a catchphrase, I guess it would have to be from one of those titles…
Wow! What are all those heads?
Kirby
Kirbyis another Nintendo character with no catchphrase-which is surprising because, I mean, look at thatbig mouth. However, my research tells me Kirby’s only dialogue is “puyo” and some familiar names and phrases. Granted, for a character that is 95 percent face, who needs words?
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Unlike The Legend Of Zelda, I have played a couple of Kirby titles, including Super Kirby Clash and Kirby And The Forgotten Land. Therefore, I know damn well ‘what that mouth do.’ And now I’m equal parts traumatized and jealous.
I SUCK!…No. Literally. That’s my thing.
Master Chief - Halo
What’s the easiest way to establish a mysterious, stoic character? Shut them the Hell up. At least that’s the foundation ofHalo’sfamous hero,Master Chief. However, that also lends itself well to a bevy of unique interpretations. For instance, I saw a theatre production that was essentially live Super Smash Bros, and the actor playing Master Chief made him aninsufferable douche-canoe. It was fantastic!
When you think about it, Bungie’s intention for Master Chief was to give him as few spoken lines as possible to help the player immerse themself into the character. So, a catchphrase could easily take away from Master Chief’s appeal. There’s no way I can think of a Master Chief catchphrase that will please every Halo fan, but I’ll have to try.
Proposed Catchphrase:
I don’t care. I’ll say whatever you want me to. Justpleasedon’t make it offensive
Jun Kazama - Tekken
If you’ve tried followingTekken’sstoryline, you know how off-the-wall it is. There are genetically mutated animals, martial arts robots, and more fake deaths than a soap opera. The core of it all boils down to the Devil gene inherited by Kazuya Mishima by his mother, Kazumi. Kazuya’s father, Heihachi, senses the Devil gene’s presence in his son and throws him off a cliff.
But surprise, surprise! Kazuya lives! Then Kazuya throws Heihachi off a cliff and sires a son (Jin Kazama) with an animal rights activist named Jun. How did this come to pass? We still have no idea. Anyway, Jin resents Kazuya for passing the Devil gene to him, and the world falls into a war driven by their BS. In short, Tekken is essentially “Daddy Issues: The Game.”
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Since Jun has only been playable in two canonical Tekken games (Tekken 2 and Tekken 8), there’s a lot we still don’t know about her. However, she’s been presumed dead from Tekken 3 onwards. So, her return to Tekken 8 is monumental. And I’m glad because it’s about time Jun stepped out of the shadows of the men in her life and their constant pissing contests.
I’ll pass the Bechtel test. And then, I’ll kick your ass!
Cooking Mama
As a former gifted kid turned sadsack millennial with wasted potential, nothing can turn my day around like getting praised byCooking Mama. Okay, I’m lying. Several better substitutions exist - reversing climate change, affordable housing, student loan debt relief, etc. But those will never happen, so I guess I’ll settle for compliments of my finger tapping from the petite, cheery ladyinside my phone.
Cooking Mama has several fun phrases to encourage the burgeoning chef inside you. But those aren’t the same as a catchphrase. Office Create needs to give Cooking Mama a memorable, repeatable motto that matches her reputation. It needs to be something nurturing but pragmatic for your average thirty-something. You know,Tumblr aesthetic.
Digital food has no nutritional value. Remember to eat and hydrate!
Chell - Portal
I know y’all have beenwaiting for Gordon Freeman. But I’ve only played like the first chapter of Half-Life 2 so that ain’t happening. However, I’ve played the crap out ofPortal, which is the same universe. So, I think I can tackle a catchphrase for gaming’s most famous human guinea pig, Chell. After all, why should GLaDOS get all the best lines?
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Chell is a fascinating character to play because we know close tonothingabout her. Even seeing her face requires a mirror-like arrangement of portals to achieve. Besides her appearance, much of Chell’s history and personality is a collage of Easter eggs throughout the Portal series. We do know that Chell was promised a special reward upon completing the Aperture Science portal gun tests - which she never received.
Where’s my cake, you AI b*tch!
Claude - GTA 3
I have very specific memories ofGrand Theft Auto 3. Most involved watching my brother and cousin play it during sleepovers while theynever gave me a turn. So, excuse me if I’m more than a little salty. After all, you can only watch senseless digital murder so much before your mind melts from sheer boredom.
Something I forgot about GTA 3 was that Claude, the game’s anti-hero, was a silent protagonist. I guess my ears were too busy ringing with sound bites of wise-cracking mafiosos, prostitutes with misogynist dialogue, and perpetually panicked civilians to notice. That’s awesome for me, though, because now I can give Claude a catchphrase of my choosing.
Get in, girlboss. We’re committing felonies! ;)
